Retiring from a career that you loved is difficult. For many people, it is hard to retire even if you were not wild about what you were doing to pay the bills. The challenge often comes from the loss of identity and structure. If we are what we do and we don’t do it anymore, then who are we? With the loss of structure, what is going to get us up in the morning?
Based on years of coaching, I am sharing four pieces of advice I believe to be helpful to consider before you retire. If you are already retired and not feeling fulfilled, it is never too late to use some of this advice to add value to your life.
Use Time Wisely While Still Working
I advise clients to start planning about their next phase of life five years before they retire. Five is not a magic number, but it’s a good idea to seek out role models, make connections, and explore while you’re still receiving a paycheck. Too many people leave their careers without a plan of how they will use their time.
Recently, I was working with a lawyer who had been diagnosed with an illness that meant he would likely not be able to practice law beyond the next year. But he would be well enough to do something meaningful. When I presented him with various options, he said, “I have worked my whole life, and I am tired of working.”
So I reframed the question as “What is going to get you up in the morning?” Then I explained that my definition of “work” was contribution. My options included ideas of how he could continue to contribute his talents on a part-time or volunteer basis. Once I described this, he agreed that he wanted me to help him gain clarity on how he could start to redefine his identity and provide some structure to his time. He identified and reached out to retired colleagues he admired to hear their perspective. It was interesting to him to hear what worked for others and what didn’t, and informed his own ideas about how he might contribute (while leaving behind the aspects of “work” he’d grown tired of). Tackling the hard questions before he absolutely had to step back enabled him to retire from his main career without drifting.
Integrate Rituals
While retirement can be challenging, the use of rituals can make it easier to let go. A ritual can be a set of actions, words, or behaviors performed in a structured and often repeated way and includes meaning. It has a purpose. Rituals can be religious, cultural, or personal, and they often serve to mark transitions, strengthen identity, or bring a sense of deeper meaning. We are familiar with graduation, marriage, and baptism ceremonies. But what is the ritual to mark retirement or the leaving of one job to another? The nice retirement parties that used to be the norm appear to be a thing of the past for many organizations. You can throw your own party, of course, but there are other ways to mark leaving the workplace.
One of my clients was the executive director of a large not-for-profit. When she left for another position, she made a significant financial gift as her way of letting go to move on. When I left my professorship after many years, I wanted to show my gratitude. Since I make postcards, I wrote more than 100 postcards to faculty and staff members each of whom I wanted to thank for various ways they had helped me over the years. This was my way of letting go of my career and of the people who had meant so much to me.
Develop A Clear Vision And Share It
When I was younger, I didn’t understand when people got divorced because “they grew apart.” Now that I have more life experience, I understand it perfectly. If a couple is not communicating how and when they want to live life after retirement, it is easier to go in different ways. It is important to have continuous conversations with your partner to make sure you are on the same page.
My husband and I often watch how others are living out this phase of life. Some of our friends have purchased RVs and are traveling to places harder to reach by plane and enjoying the road trip along the way. We considered this option, but we are not mechanical or inclined to learn how to fix things when they break. We decided this would not be enjoyable for us.
Other friends are buying second homes and becoming snowbirds. But my husband and I like to travel to different places. There is too much of the world we have not seen yet. Plus, we travel to each coast to see our grandchildren and their families.
We can learn a lot from observing the decisions of others. We are not judging them but evaluating their choices as they apply to us. And the conversation between us gains clarity as we share with each other how we are feeling.
Make A Plan To Grow
Professional development is part of having a career. Regardless of what we are doing or where we are working, usually we are learning on the job. How will you continue to learn and grow after you leave your position? Here too I advise my clients to think about it and develop a plan while they are still working. You can always tweak the plan, but you have a place to start.
The research on aging emphasizes the importance of staying relevant and engaged. Two of my favorite words are curious and creativity. When you are curious, you are asking questions and interested in others. Be interested and involved so you keep growing. While it is easy to stay home and get set in your ways, this is the time to think about how you will get out of your comfort zone and be socially active after you leave your career.
Putting the Advice to Work
I like to emphasize that we are not retiring from … but retiring to. Use the time while you are still working to discover, experiment, explore, and dream. Have fun using rituals to help celebrate your contributions and let go to move on. Talk to your partner about how he or she envisions living the rest of life. Plan on how you will stay engaged, relevant, and interested in contributing your gifts and talents to the world.
